You already know that you are deeply unhappy with a certain aspect of your life. Whether it's a partner, a job, your friend circle, or any other area in your life, you are hoping that something will eventually change, but deep down you know that nothing will change. On top of that, you feel too tired and too exhausted to take matters into your own hands and do something.
Tough love trigger warning. :)
If we are unhappy with our external world, we sometimes forget to point the finger towards ourselves. When you reflect on the expectations you have for your surroundings, ask yourself if you are meeting these same expectations for yourself. In my opinion, we can not expect, for example, to be respected if we don't properly respect ourselves. Which is why we often find ourselves in (toxic) relationships with no respect. I believe that these relationships are meant to be a trigger for us to start to realize that we do not want to be treated this way. When you start thinking this way, you start to take responsibility for yourself and, most importantly, start respecting yourself enough to walk away from what you don't deserve.
So if we are too tired to change things in our lives, it's because we are still too consumed by what exhausts us. If you really want to feel better and create healthy relationships and situations in your life, ask yourself and reflect on your habits. What makes me tired? After which relationship or situation do I always feel empty, exhausted or drained? It is a very simple question, and most people already know, deep down, what isn't good for them. But it's the inner temptations and fears that often keep us stuck in a change of plans.
But change isn't always scary or impossible to create. Of course, it won't happen over night. But if you think about it, the unhappiness also most likely didn't come over night. It is something that is created little by little.
Practices that can help with change:
1. Ask yourself: "What has brought me into this situation?" and "what am I truly scared of?"
You might discover that it could come from our own insecurities about speaking up and communicating clearly. Again, we expect to be respected and validated by others, but we don't validate or respect ourselves. We don't allow ourselves to say what we truly want to say because we are too scared of how other people could perceive it, or we are scared of upsetting others, or simply because we have never learned to be confidently and authentically ourselves. But don't worry. Everything can be learned and changed. :)
2. Too exhausted - The "lie" that keeps us stuck
When we are still in situations that make us unhappy, it is clear that we are exhausted and tired because we do not live authentically. We have come to accept certain circumstances, so we have learned to adapt to other people and keep quiet. With time, this becomes so exhausting because we are constantly acting as someone we are not. It truly is exhausting to always have to think about how to act and behave instead of just being and doing it naturally.
3.Be your true self and do more of what makes you happy and recharges your battery.
In order to feel charged, we have to do things for ourselves. Things that you love doing but always put last on the to-do list because of all sorts of excuses. Even if we are in jobs, relationships, or families that take so much, we have to think about ourselves. If our cup is empty, how can we help fill others'? Taking 30 minutes a day to do what we truly enjoy doing has to be made possible. We also have to overcome the inner temptation to take that brush in our hands and take the time to paint, or jump into our running clothes and just run for 20 minutes to shake it off. If you have trouble doing so, print out a picture of yourself doing something you enjoy and place it somewhere you will see it first thing in the morning as a reminder.
In a nutshell, if we are not giving ourselves what we truly need (self-love, self-respect, taking responsibility for ourselves), we cannot expect others to do it for us. A job, a partner, a friend, your family, is not there to tell you that now is a great time to start taking care of yourself or now is a great time to start your dream project. It has so much to do with taking responsibility for ourselves, starting doing what is important to us, and starting living and creating the life that we truly want to live and not holding others accountable for our misery or having expectations of others.
When you start taking yourself and your needs seriously, you will see that your environment will reflect that back to you. You most likely won't engage any more with people that drain you because you simply won't allow it. I believe that we are meant to grow through people and situations. The worst people and situations are, in the end (once you've overcome them), the greatest life lessons that have contributed to catapulting you into mastering yourself. Having mastered how to truly love, respect, and believe in ourselves is the best gift you can give to yourself.
I believe in you! You have no idea what you are capable of overcoming and achieving. I hope that this article has been a little eye opener that gets you moving into doing something that makes you truly happy. Sometimes we need a little tough love. Especially when we know that we can do it. Tough love is not always the right approach, but if you are in a phase in life where you've got enough and want change, it's a great motivator.